Random Thoughts

Why have I gotten so lazy (since I was 10 years old) that I can't even pick up a pencil and write in a diary? Maybe for fear of my hand cramping up. Anyways, a blog is just as good for now. I keep forgetting to sign on here periodically to post about my life happenings. Whether any one reads them or not, it is a good way to reflect and keep track of my life.

Lots of thoughts go through my mind these days...about the upcoming wedding, education, friendships, consumerism, healthy living, etc. These random endless thoughts are inspired by my talks with the teacher who drives me to school every day, friends, fiance, free time, and family.


Wedding - Most people have just one...but we wanted to incorporate both Rachid's and my culture and religion so we'll have two - one in a mosque and one in a church. I really like to plan events and get people together so planning a wedding is in some ways fun. I do realize that I am an indecisive person so on the other hand, all of the decisions are a little stressful - something a friend calls "decision fatigue". I don't have wet feet or whatever the expression is because this transition feel good and natural. I know that Rachid and I work well together and have life goals that mesh and that we will support each other and build our family. I am getting excited, but do feel pressured from all the logistical aspects of marriage - like the paperwork and stuff. So I guess I have a love hate relationship with wedding planning.

Education - I am learning a lot about education and the district I work in from being "on the inside". There are a lot of great things happening like collaboration, differentiated instruction, one-on-one support but a lot of things that worry me about the politics of schools. I think kids are getting left behind in all the decisions that are made and then what is the point of schools? This is a good year to "figure out what I want to do in life". I realize I could never been a sub or classroom teacher. What makes me happy? Japanese club because teaching something meaningful like cross cultural exchange - what could be better? I also really enjoy working one-on-one with students. So hopefully I can find something that inspires me and not get down because of the politics in schools this year.


Friendships - Friendships grow and friendships change. I am greatful for the friendships I have. Some friends I thought would be there forever aren't, but I appreciate all the good times we had and all they taught me...and hope I helped them in some way. And some friends I didn't know before are people that I hope to maintain our friendship forever. They support me and I hope I do the same for them. I like a lot of overused sayings, especially this one paraphrased, "Friends - are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime." And I'm trying to be at peace and know that it is ok that friendships change and grow.

Consumerism - I joked the other day that I am boycotting Christmas. What that meant is I am broke from working in a stipend service position and I feel that I have everything that I need. I have enough stuff. Of course I want things. But I don't need them. I don't like clutter and adding more things will make our apartment that way. But one friend reminded me of the importance of gift giving and I do see the value in that. But on the other hand, I do get sick of the consumerism in this country, especially around holiday seasons. It was the same in Japan. So this year...I am not stressed about buying gifts. I will buy things if they remind me of people.

Healthy living - I really don't feel like I am in shape. In Japan, it was so easy to ride a bike everywhere and make exercise part of every day living. Here, in the Minnesota cold that is impossible...so I need to incorporate some kind of regular movement into my life. I feel kind of lethargic some days. An exhaustion sets after school. I think I have been eating pretty healthfully but realize that sometimes I eat too much so my goal is to eat until I'm still not full (with the exception of holidays, sorry). Healthy living is also taking time to take care of the world we live in. I try to do my small part, but know I could do more. Also, part of what I think healthy living is taking time to reflect...and I don't think I've been doing much of that...

INSPIRATION - This was a craft project at a recent girls night. I felt very inspired to take time to reflect and create.

The journey home

I went home this past weekend to Toledo, Ohio. My sister and I surprised my mom (and my brother went as well) to support her in her last weekend at her first call at Salem Lutheran Church in Toledo, Ohio. She has served there for almost 20 years. I felt so proud. She has accomplished so much there and went through so many struggles there but she always sticks to her message that God's love is for everyone.

I think that in part of her helping other people, she didn't help herself sometimes so I hope that her new call can be a fresh start. Now she and many others feel a mix of emotions...let's just say there was a lot of crying this weekend.

I brought this up in a previous blog post...but home is many places. Maybe that old saying is true..."home is where the heart is". Toledo feels like home. Many people were telling me they would miss me (even though I've been gone for 6 years). That church has raised us. The other saying, "It takes a village to raise to child." Salem Lutheran Church is our village.

http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090517/NEWS16/905170301/-1/RSS10

Japanese club

I'm excited. As part of my hours for the program I work for I am going to start a Japanese club at the school I'm working at. It will be an after school program...2 groups that will each meet twice a week for 45 minutes with about 15 students from grades 4-6. Another way that I can incorporate my Japan experience into my life here and make it not feel so much like a faraway dream.

I have a lot of ideas from learning basic language, to art (calligraphy, origami, etc.), food (yay for onigiri), dance, dress up in yukata, pen pal letters, read Sadako and the Thousand Paper cranes and make 1000 cranes and send them to Japan, study festivals, geography, history, etc. This club could really touch on a lot of content areas and I can keep up my studies too and continue to learn. I am by no means an expert on Japan but I hope the kids (and myself) learn a lot.

Let me know if you have any more ideas!

I'm going to try to start biking again next week after Ramadan is over. And I have called my grandmother numerous times but I think she may be at work when I call. Just following up on my list...

life after Japan

At the suggestion of two of my bestest friends (and blogging buddies), I will continue to reflect on my Japan experience and "life after Japan" through this blog. Since I was 10 years old (and besides required journals while studying abroad), I have gotten too lazy to actually write in a diary, so this is the next best thing.

Japan feels like a dream. The sounds, people, scenery, smells, etc. feel like a distant memory. I can't explain it. I have only been home over a month... (But that leads to the question of where is home? Is it Japan where I was born and lived for the past year? Minnesota where I lived for the first 5 years of my life and 5 years including college and my year of student teaching plus this upcoming year? Is it Toledo, Ohio where I grew up from 5-18 years old?) but I have settled right back in to life in the U.S. Maybe I expected a severe case of culture shock, as we were warned about by my program.

I don't want to forget Japan - all the people I met and things I learned. I want to incorporate that experience into my life. But easier said than done. I planned on riding a bike everywhere, like I did in Japan. But I have already gotten lazier with that. I planned on calling my grandmother once a month but that hasn't happened either. I think it's all a matter of incorporating those small things into my daily lifestyle and routine.

One of those blogging buddies I mentioned earlier recently made a list of goals that she wants to accomplish in life...that motivated me. (The thing I especially liked about her list is there was no pressure...it wasn't a frantic to-do list, it was a list that could evolve and change.) So here I will include a list of things I want to take from my year in Japan:

1) ride a bicycle often
2) call my grandmother once a month
3) always take off my shoes when entering my apartment
4) keep in touch with friends from or in Japan
5) take reusable bags to the grocery store
6) continue to study/review Japanese
7) cook Japanese food sometimes
8) stay active, but make time to relax too

I'll keep adding to this list...

ahh!

Time flies. Isn't that so true...

I have two weeks and one day left in my year in Japan. I can see the rest of my days here on one page in a calendar. Where has this year gone? It makes me think about what I've done while here and if I accomplished my goals. I think that I met my main goals of finding my father (even though I didn't find him, we reunited with his family) and learning about the Japanese education system (even though I don't agree with everything). I could have been a little more motivated to study Japanese. I've seen many beautiful things. I've met many amazing people. I could go into detail but I'll save it for when we talk.

Yesterday I spent the day by myself (aside from going to church) which was a great way to reflect about my time here. I went to the history museum (didn't understand anything but still glad I went) and garden that I have been meaning to go to since I got here. I think that many times we want to get out of where we are and see new/exciting things that we don't appreciate what is around us. So that is what I am trying to do...appreciate these last few moments I have left and enjoy every minute.

I am excited to get back home (although Japan is home now too - there are many places I could call home). It helps to know that I have many friends and family who understand this feeling of being a part of two or more different cultures. Some people feel torn with this but I am going to attempt to bring these thoughts and feelings and cultures together. Hopefully I can find a way to incorporate Japan into my "new" life.

A loss and an inspiration

Most teachers I talk to wanted to be a teacher because they were inspired by one of their former teachers. This is the same with me. But what is also true is the reason that I didn't give up being a teacher is because of the inspiration, support and encouragement of a few professors at St. Olaf.

http://fusion.stolaf.edu/news/index.cfm?fuseaction=NewsDetails&id=4680

I just received the news yesterday that Professor Mark Schelske passed away. He was a huge part of why I continued in the education program. He was always very positive and encouraged me to not give up. He was my advisor and teacher. I had the wonderful opportunity to go with him and his wife Janis in January 2006 to study multicultural education in Hawaii (during a Minnesota winter). Also, I was one of the lucky ones who had Mark as their student teaching supervisor.

Many people were touched by him. He was such an inspirational person to so many people. He especially inspired teachers. And these teachers have inspired their students so there is no telling how far Mark's positive influence actually reaches. It hurts so bad, but I think the hurt is a good thing though...it shows how much he meant to us all. And through all the bad things that happen in this world, it shows that there are still good people. Mark is definitely in a better place. My prayers and sympathy go to his family and especially to his wife Janis.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/markschelske

In times like these, we may feel helpless. But I believe God is there.

There is something we can do though...

"Earlier this year, a fund was created to help Mark and Janis shoulder the load of uninsured expenses relating to Mark's illness. They have greatly appreciated the donations that have come in on their behalf. If you are interested in donating to the fund, you can do one of the following.

1) Write a check out to the "Mark Schelske Donation Account" and mail to:US Bank 301 West Burnsville Parkway Burnsville, MN 55337

2) Visit any US Bank in the United States to make a donation. Give the teller Mark Schelske's name and he/she can look up the donation account."

This morning one of my students told me "ねむそう" (nemusou) which means "you look tired". I got a good nights sleep but I just feel overwhelmed and shocked. Yesterday when I heard the news, I held my tears in. I am in a country where emotions aren't openly expressed and I didn't have anyone to share it with. Luckily my friend from Olaf and I were able to talk about it so I don't feel like I'm holding it in. And whether or not anyone reads this, it is an outlet for me. I told my friend I wished I could come to the memorial service and she said that Mark would have wanted me to stay in Japan. He was just one of those guys who lived life to the fullest.

Lately, one of my students has been teaching me these Japanese phrases, "忘れないよ”(wasurenaiyo) and "あいたかったよ” (aitakattayo). These loosely mean, "We'll never forget you" and "We'll miss you". Mark, you are an inspiration to us all. 忘れないよ、あいたかったよ

Sure Looks Good to Me

I've started to have my last lessons with some of my classes...only 2 weeks and 2 days of regular classes left! Then exams, then special classes. It's crazy, hard to believe it's almost over. But anyways, in some of the ni-nensei classes, I wanted to leave them with a message and my message was this Alicia Keys song. My message to them is to be positive, take risks and never give up. Every day counts. Live each day as if it were your last.

(Sorry for the strange formatting, can't seem to figure out how to make it look nice)

Life is cheap, bitter sweet, But it tastes good to me, Take my turn, crash and burn, That’s how it's supposed to be

So don't rain on my parade Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me

Time flies by, it leaves you behind Take it naturally, Heaven knows, oh there's so much more, More than what we see

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one dayI'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind I'm secure with getting by, Wanna see the light before I die , before I lie in an empty space. The darkness comes and I've been telling my soul, In me and myself we turn around, we're getting old

But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions, Of the bruises and the beauty of this moment that we're feeling, And I feel like I'm seeing the world inside of me, But I can tell you that I know
it's getting easier to breathe

There's a cold in the morning, an endless equation, Of who we’ve become it's a complex situation

So live love life, give love, Live love life, give love, Live love, life, give love‘cause who are we anyway?

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me, I'm tellin’ you, it sure looks good to me, Yeah, it sure looks good to me

Leavers Survey

The editors of our Fukui magazine asked the leavers these questions. Here are my responses.

2009 FJET CLASS OF 2009 LEAVERS SURVEY

Question 1:
What will you do next?go back to good ole' Minnesota, USA and work for AmeriCorps working with elementary students to help them read at grade level

Question 2:
What will you miss the most about Japan/Fukui
people: family, friends and students, scenery: mountains and the sea

Question 3
What WONT you miss about Japan/Fukui
random weird fish smells, lack of central heating, separating trash, homogeneity

Question 4
What was the most insane/crazy moment or event you experienced in Japan?probably the (penis) festival at Tagata Jinjia in Komaki. In what I have generally observed to be a pretty conservative country, this festival was out there!

Question 5
What's your own personal list of Japan's top 3 most beautiful/interesting/must see places?
Fushimi Inari Taisha (Kyoto) Top of Mount Fuji (at sunrise)
Himeji Castle (sakura season)

Question 6
Favorite Fukui Hang Outs?Natasha's apartment, Salva Donica coffee/cake shop (thanks for telling me about that place, Meena and Lauren), window shopping at various stores

Question 7
What was the most significant thing you learned about yourself?I am Japanese, but at the same time, I am not.

Question 8
Any parting words of wisdom?Get active! Take up a new hobby, be productive at school, start a new project, etc. Make your time here worthwhile and memorable.

An Update from a previous journal

I submitted this to our Fukui magazine.

January 9, 2009
I am always intrigued by the unique reasons we JET’s all come to Japan. I have heard many…from wanting a change to being intrigued by Japanese culture and language to well, you name it! For me, this trip was for selfish reasons, I must say. It was a personal journey that I have waited for years to fulfill. Since I was a child I always wanted to come to Japan and see how life was like, how the people are, how the language sounds…in other words, how my life would have been like. How my life would have been like if my parents had stayed together and stayed in Japan. See, my mom met my dad when she was a missionary in Kumamoto. Long story short they got married and decided to move to the US. Another long story short they got divorced and one day my dad mysteriously disappeared. He left his work, his life and his family with no word, no warning. He eventually sent us letters from all the places he was (California, Hawaii, Australia, Philippines and finally Japan) and called a few times but we haven’t heard from him since, and that was 13 or so years ago. (So now, here I am living in Japan, with my brother…and our sister might visit sometime this year).

When I arrived in Japan as a brand spankin’ new JET I went to the FIA to ask Benjamin and the very very helpful staff there for help in locating my dad. Two weeks later I had a copy of his koseki (family registry) which contained his address. A few months after I obtained this document, I sat down and wrote my dad a letter. I had been procrastinating to write it. Why would I procrastinate on one of the very reasons I came to Japan? Why would I wait to reconnect with my father? Well, I think out of fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, and so on (in the words of my students). I don’t know who the man who brought me onto this earth is…I don’t know what he does for a living…I don’t know what he likes to do…I don’t know anything. And I want to know, or do I really? I mean, I have lived 13 years without him, without the love and care that a father is supposed to provide. (The absent father is a common story these days, sad, but true.) My mother has provided all the love and support that my siblings and I needed and her side of the family has provided the same. So it’s not that I feel something has been missing…or that I regret anything. If my dad had stayed I would be a completely different person now. Maybe I am searching for closure, maybe I am searching for the father I never had, maybe I am searching for a connection that will be hard to well, reconnect. There are so many unknowns. Right now I am just going through the motions. Maybe when I will leave Japan I will be reconnected to my roots and feel united with my Japanese family. But more likely, I will leave Japan with more questions than when I came, whether or not my dad responds.

June 8, 2009
Update: Since I wrote this, Ms. Takashima at the FIA helped me find my grandmothers address. With Mami’s (Kurosaka) help, I wrote a letter, expecting no response. A week later, a letter came from my grandmother. Through the letter and my mom’s phone conversations with my grandmother we found out some updates: my grandfather passed away four years ago, our uncle is married and has two kids (3 and 8 years old) and they haven’t heard from my dad in years (exact number of yeras lost in translation). Since then, I have visited my grandmother in Shikoku 2 times and will go one more. She welcomed us (mom, sister, brother and I) with open arms. Still no word from my dad. I will write one more letter to him. But at least now, (some) questions are answered and I am fulfilled.

Erasing History

At school, they order the Daily Yomiuri for me to read (the English newspaper in Japan). I usually read articles that catch my interest and one today was "Japanese Soldiers shown in a new light". I remember learning about the brutal massacre, of Chinese civilians by Japanese soldiers, when I went to China on interim with St. Olaf. I was horrified by the atrocities of war and to what extent normal everyday people would go to when given a gun and an order.

The article says..."China remains irate that Japanese politicians have neither apologized for nor admitted the scope of the killings, while Japanese historians have erased the episode from their nation's textbooks."

Wow. Decades later Japan has not been able to apologize, let alone admit what happened, happened. Apologies never totally heal wounds, but at least they can be a start. And from the side of the oppressor it is a small step they can make for all the horrors they caused the people of Nanjing and all the after effects the victims have had to deal with. I remember watching a video on youtube about a Japanese soldier from Unit 731 who individually went to Nanjing to make his apology for all the horrible things he did (even if his country didn't back him up). It was very powerful.

And how amazing is it that certain people have enough power to erase history?! It blows my mind. Politicians have power but textbook writers might have more power over the long term. Education is so important, and in this case (whole sections of history being erased from textbooks), education is used as a weapon to guard against the truth.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-china-nanjing21-2009may21,0,6528458.story

"Real Life Isn't About What's Next"

"Real Life Isn't About What's Next"
One of my friends got me thinking. My friends tend to do that.

I was mentioning how crazy it is that we have been out of college for 2 years already. She said she spoke to some recent graduates and gave them some advice. She told them to get rid of their college mentality and that "real life isn't about what's next". That really spoke to me. Ever since grade school we have thought about what is next...what is after the test, after graduation. But now, we are in that time. Yes, it is good to look and plan ahead but what is the point if we are not living in the present moment? (my thoughts are going back to Buddhism class)

Yuki left last week. After taking him to the airport, I got back to my apartment (all alone) and it (the loneliness and exhaustion of traveling on the slow trains) hit me and I burst into tears. Tears of sadness cuz he's gone...but also tears of happiness for this incredible opportunity to get to know my brother again (after being away at Olaf/MN for 5 years).

mom and Maya

Mom and Maya's visit was amazing and kind of surreal. Now that they have been gone over a week, I have to ask myself if they were actually here.

The day after they arrived we went to meet with our grandmother. Suprinsingly, it was a very natural reunion. And it wasn't sad and emotional...but we were all happy that it finally happened after all these years (14?)!

The first night we stayed in Takamatsu and the next day we went to Ritsurin Park. It was cherry blossom season so we were very lucky to catch them in bloom (they only last about 10 days). That day we went to my grandmothers apartment in a small village in Shikoku. Over the time with her she took us to the sea and to Konpira san (shrine). The times I enjoyed most were just chilling at her house and meeting our cousins, aunt and re-meeting uncle. Our grandmother is very genki (energetic) and I was so greatful for this opportunity (thanks to God and thanks Mom for translating!)

Once we left Shikoku, my mom went to Kumamoto. Maya, Yuki and I went to Kyoto to tour around a bit (Maya became a maiko) and then Yuki went back to Fukui. Maya and I traveled on to visit IYA (International Youth Academy) friends in Toyohashi (Toledo's sister city - we went clam digging and later had a barbeque) and to Nagoya for a day trip (met up with May and a few more IYA friends). We all met back in Fukui for a few days and Maya and mom came to school, went to some of our activities and met some of our friends. My mom left for Tokyo on Thursday. Yuki, Maya and I left for Osaka on Friday and spent the day there and met up with mom later that night for okonomiyaki. Then, the next day they left
;-( .

So lately I have been feeling anxious about coming back to the States. I feel ready to go back but at the same time I want to enjoy my last three months here in Japan. There is still a lot to do/see but I have come to the realization that it won't all happen so in the meantime I will try to focus on spending time with friends and family before I go back home. Speaking of which, Yuki leaves in about three weeks ;-( so I am getting sad.

Family

So...in four days the rest of my immediate family (mom and Maya) will come to Japan!!! I am very excited. Due to constraints of money and time, I never thought this would actually work out but I am glad that it will (thanks to God). I can't remember even once going on a vacation by ourselves. Maybe I just don't have a good memory.

They are here for such a short time so we are going to try to hit up the "must-see" things and "must-do" things in Japan. We are also going to meet our grandmother. I feel like maybe I should be feeling more emotions than I am right now. I guess I just don't know how to feel. This is one of the main reasons I came to Japan - to reconnect with family here - but it is kind of surreal that it is actually going to happen - I guess this was another thing that I didn't think would work out.

So for now I just remain thankful for these opportunities....the opportunity for me and Yuki to spend some time in Japan, for my mom and Maya to come and for the opportunity to meet our grandmother.

A lot in a little time

There are a lot of things that I have done and places I have gone that I have not blogged about.

In January, I went to visit my friend May (MN) in Agematsu, a small town in Nagano prefecture. It was nice to see where she lives and realize that even though we are having the same experience (1 year in Japan, working at a school) they are completely different. The highlights were going to Matsumoto castle and relaxing our feet in a foot onsen (hot spring).

In February, my friend Natasha's sister was here from Trinidad, so it made the winter much more enjoyable and it passed by so quickly! In addition to enjoying the spots around Fukui City we also went to Kyoto and Obama (Fukui). In Kyoto I recommended the temples and shrines that we went to in December - Kinkakuji, Kiyomizudera and Fushimi Inari, in particular. Many Japanese tourists have no time to travel and so when they visit a place it is in and out - taking pictures and buying omiyage (souverniors-kind of obligatory). I don't consider myself a Japanese tourist. I like to linger places so I didn't mind going to the same places again (even though there is so much more to see but I have come to the realization I will never see it all!)

Last weekend my friends came from Aichi Prefecture. I met them when they came to Toledo (my hometown) in 2003. We have kept in touch ever since. When I met them I never imagined I would be showing them around in their own country. We went to two famous spots in Fukui but transportation was kind of a nightmare. I miss the independence of having a car and I felt bad to inconvenience them. The whole weekend, we were jumping from buses to trains to taxis. But all in all, it was fun and great to have them here...made it feely more home-y.

On Sunday we went to the "penis festival". It is actually a harvest festival or fertility festival. It was at a shrine that is all about, well, the penis. There were a lot of foreigners and I felt a kind of culture shock. Japan is such a homogenous country so you just get used to seeing all Japanese people. And when you see a foreigner, just like the Japanese, you are intrigued and stare. Well, there were too many so I couldn't keep staring. And I heard English all over. (I have gotten used to blocking out conversations and actually kind of like not overhearing people talk). Check out the link if you are more interested.

http://kikuko.web.infoseek.co.jp/english/tagata-shrine-hounen-sai.html

It is interesting because on some things I view the Japanese as very conservative and others as very liberal (like parading a giant phallus down the streets).

Our advisor recently sent us some logistical things about leaving Japan. There was a long list and it made me realize that I have a lot to do in a little time. Part of me feels like I just got here. The other part of me feels like these long days of no classes at schools will never end (I am at school writing this now)! and I am craving a Chipotle burrito.

Nothing is constant

Recently I was talking to a fellow JET. She is a very deep thinker. She was talking about how nothing is constant. She also talked about about how once she realized that nothing is constant, changes that happened in her life were easier to deal with.

I have been thinking about that ever since. It is so true. Change happens all the time. It is how we deal with those changes that will determine what kind of life we have...how we view change (as positive or negative) will determine how we maneuver through or around change.

Today were the high school entrance examinations for junior high school students. I watched those kids leave after they took their tests and thought about how they don't know what high school they will attend even though the new school year begins in a month. So many unknowns, so many changes.

I think about how I received news that a family friend recently died. She was young. One moment she was riding in a car and the next moment a woman in another car had a heart attack, lost control of her car and hit their car. Change happens so quickly.

I think about the unknowns about next year for me. Where am I going to live? Where am I going to work? How will the transition be living in the US again?, etc.

I think about meeting my grandmother...how in one day I can have no answers and the next I can find out that my dad lost contact with his mom and how even knowing that one fact changes my perspective on a lot of things.

Change happens. Nothing is constant.

Spring is Coming

Last week we received a response (letter) from our grandmother. My friend helped me translate the letter. My grandmother recalled her memories of us from the past (14+ years ago), told us that my dad has not contacted us in years and that she would like to meet us. I was very surprised to receive the letter as I didn't expect one.

I asked my mom to call my grandmother since my Japanese is not at the conversational level. They will arrange a time for us to meet. We will go to Takamatsu in Shikoku (southern island in Japan) to meet her when Maya comes in April. They are working out the logistics and my mom is even trying to come. It sure is going to be an emotional journey these next few weeks and after.

My grandmother called me...but I didn't understand most of what she was saying so I just kept saying "Gomennasai" (I'm sorry) and "Wakarimasen" (I don't understand). I did mention to her that I am very happy. It is interesting that I can't even communicate with my own family by myself.

One of my goals in coming to Japan was to find my father but now that I know that he has not had contact with his own mother and he did not go to his brother's wedding (my grandmother told my mom that) I know that he does not want to be found. Do I really want to meet someone who doesn't want to meet me? On the other hand, my grandmother has welcomed us with open arms and it will be interesting to learn things from her (about her life, family history, etc.)... through a translator, of course. Even though I most likely won't meet my dad I will be happy that I tried and at least have some answers.

time passes quickly

I have been meaning to write for awhile, but you know how that goes.

This semester has flown by. I am in the last week of classes for third semester. Next week is graduation for san-nenseis (third-year students). During the month of March I don't have any classes...not even one. It will give me time to clear my head and catch up on things but I will miss being with students. That is when I am happiest and most productive. On the other hand I have been doing a lot of grading so even though it is productive I get easily tired and my head feels cloudy.

I have a lot of little trips to look forward to: Kyoto this weekend, friends from Aichi Prefecture coming to Fukui, Sumo in Osaka with my MN girls and my sister coming in April. It is really going to happen this time...God willing. I am trying to strike a balance of spending money to do cool things here and paying off loans/saving for next year when I return to the reality of life in the States.

I have five months left in Japan so I have been thinking about my original goals in coming to Japan and whether or not I have met them. Mostly not. In January, I started a private group lesson for Japanese language study which has been good because instead of 18 students there are 3 so I am forced to pay attention and do my homework, thus improve a bit. So I won't be fluent by the time I leave (my original goal was to be able to have a conversation) but I can still try to improve and study. Regarding the goal of finding my dad...well I wrote him another letter and I wrote my grandma one as well. And we applied for a tv show where they reunite people so I'm just playing the waiting game now.

あけましておめでとうございます

あけましておめでとうございます (Happy New Year!)

Today was the opening ceremony for third term at school. Third term only goes through the beginning of March (when graduation for third-year students happens) so I am sure this semester will fly by. (1st term - the beginning of the school year in Japan - starts in April).

Long story short...Maya ended up not coming ;-( Her flight was delayed twice and cancelled and by the time she would have gotten here she would have only had a week here (as compared to two) and would have had to pay more money and make more transfers. It just didn't seem worth it after all that hassle so we are hoping that she can come sometime later this year.

So for winter break the highlight was going to Kyoto for three days. We met up with May and some of her friends and toured around and saw numerous shrines, temples and famous places. I would go into detail but then this would be a long blog post. In short the weather was beautiful, everyone got along and we saw some amazing things.

Other than that I mostly just slept, ate and watched tv. For New Year's eve, however, I did go to the local shrine. There were performances, many booths selling good luck charms, people making their New Year's prayers/wishes, sake and soup, etc. In the morning I went over to the house of one of my supervising teacher's (from student teaching in MN) friends family. We had a delicious New Years breakfast (and soup with mochi!), went to the shrine, came back and the family looked at nengajoo (New Year's postcards - very popular in Japan...everyone sends and receives many), went shopping (they sell these surprise bags at all the stores where you don't know what is inside...too much of a risk for me), relaxed and ate dinner. I was so fortunate to be able to have a traditional Japanese New Years.

I am looking forward to getting back in the routine. I realize that I get semi-depressed when I am unproductive and don't have anything to do for long periods of time. I think because of that and also that it is cold and just that time of year I am getting homesick again. I realize that it is part of the process of living in a different country so I hope to get out of this feeling soon. I have this love hate relationship with Japan right now.