A loss and an inspiration

Most teachers I talk to wanted to be a teacher because they were inspired by one of their former teachers. This is the same with me. But what is also true is the reason that I didn't give up being a teacher is because of the inspiration, support and encouragement of a few professors at St. Olaf.

http://fusion.stolaf.edu/news/index.cfm?fuseaction=NewsDetails&id=4680

I just received the news yesterday that Professor Mark Schelske passed away. He was a huge part of why I continued in the education program. He was always very positive and encouraged me to not give up. He was my advisor and teacher. I had the wonderful opportunity to go with him and his wife Janis in January 2006 to study multicultural education in Hawaii (during a Minnesota winter). Also, I was one of the lucky ones who had Mark as their student teaching supervisor.

Many people were touched by him. He was such an inspirational person to so many people. He especially inspired teachers. And these teachers have inspired their students so there is no telling how far Mark's positive influence actually reaches. It hurts so bad, but I think the hurt is a good thing though...it shows how much he meant to us all. And through all the bad things that happen in this world, it shows that there are still good people. Mark is definitely in a better place. My prayers and sympathy go to his family and especially to his wife Janis.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/markschelske

In times like these, we may feel helpless. But I believe God is there.

There is something we can do though...

"Earlier this year, a fund was created to help Mark and Janis shoulder the load of uninsured expenses relating to Mark's illness. They have greatly appreciated the donations that have come in on their behalf. If you are interested in donating to the fund, you can do one of the following.

1) Write a check out to the "Mark Schelske Donation Account" and mail to:US Bank 301 West Burnsville Parkway Burnsville, MN 55337

2) Visit any US Bank in the United States to make a donation. Give the teller Mark Schelske's name and he/she can look up the donation account."

This morning one of my students told me "ねむそう" (nemusou) which means "you look tired". I got a good nights sleep but I just feel overwhelmed and shocked. Yesterday when I heard the news, I held my tears in. I am in a country where emotions aren't openly expressed and I didn't have anyone to share it with. Luckily my friend from Olaf and I were able to talk about it so I don't feel like I'm holding it in. And whether or not anyone reads this, it is an outlet for me. I told my friend I wished I could come to the memorial service and she said that Mark would have wanted me to stay in Japan. He was just one of those guys who lived life to the fullest.

Lately, one of my students has been teaching me these Japanese phrases, "忘れないよ”(wasurenaiyo) and "あいたかったよ” (aitakattayo). These loosely mean, "We'll never forget you" and "We'll miss you". Mark, you are an inspiration to us all. 忘れないよ、あいたかったよ

Sure Looks Good to Me

I've started to have my last lessons with some of my classes...only 2 weeks and 2 days of regular classes left! Then exams, then special classes. It's crazy, hard to believe it's almost over. But anyways, in some of the ni-nensei classes, I wanted to leave them with a message and my message was this Alicia Keys song. My message to them is to be positive, take risks and never give up. Every day counts. Live each day as if it were your last.

(Sorry for the strange formatting, can't seem to figure out how to make it look nice)

Life is cheap, bitter sweet, But it tastes good to me, Take my turn, crash and burn, That’s how it's supposed to be

So don't rain on my parade Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me

Time flies by, it leaves you behind Take it naturally, Heaven knows, oh there's so much more, More than what we see

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one dayI'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind I'm secure with getting by, Wanna see the light before I die , before I lie in an empty space. The darkness comes and I've been telling my soul, In me and myself we turn around, we're getting old

But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions, Of the bruises and the beauty of this moment that we're feeling, And I feel like I'm seeing the world inside of me, But I can tell you that I know
it's getting easier to breathe

There's a cold in the morning, an endless equation, Of who we’ve become it's a complex situation

So live love life, give love, Live love life, give love, Live love, life, give love‘cause who are we anyway?

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me, I'm tellin’ you, it sure looks good to me, Yeah, it sure looks good to me

Leavers Survey

The editors of our Fukui magazine asked the leavers these questions. Here are my responses.

2009 FJET CLASS OF 2009 LEAVERS SURVEY

Question 1:
What will you do next?go back to good ole' Minnesota, USA and work for AmeriCorps working with elementary students to help them read at grade level

Question 2:
What will you miss the most about Japan/Fukui
people: family, friends and students, scenery: mountains and the sea

Question 3
What WONT you miss about Japan/Fukui
random weird fish smells, lack of central heating, separating trash, homogeneity

Question 4
What was the most insane/crazy moment or event you experienced in Japan?probably the (penis) festival at Tagata Jinjia in Komaki. In what I have generally observed to be a pretty conservative country, this festival was out there!

Question 5
What's your own personal list of Japan's top 3 most beautiful/interesting/must see places?
Fushimi Inari Taisha (Kyoto) Top of Mount Fuji (at sunrise)
Himeji Castle (sakura season)

Question 6
Favorite Fukui Hang Outs?Natasha's apartment, Salva Donica coffee/cake shop (thanks for telling me about that place, Meena and Lauren), window shopping at various stores

Question 7
What was the most significant thing you learned about yourself?I am Japanese, but at the same time, I am not.

Question 8
Any parting words of wisdom?Get active! Take up a new hobby, be productive at school, start a new project, etc. Make your time here worthwhile and memorable.

An Update from a previous journal

I submitted this to our Fukui magazine.

January 9, 2009
I am always intrigued by the unique reasons we JET’s all come to Japan. I have heard many…from wanting a change to being intrigued by Japanese culture and language to well, you name it! For me, this trip was for selfish reasons, I must say. It was a personal journey that I have waited for years to fulfill. Since I was a child I always wanted to come to Japan and see how life was like, how the people are, how the language sounds…in other words, how my life would have been like. How my life would have been like if my parents had stayed together and stayed in Japan. See, my mom met my dad when she was a missionary in Kumamoto. Long story short they got married and decided to move to the US. Another long story short they got divorced and one day my dad mysteriously disappeared. He left his work, his life and his family with no word, no warning. He eventually sent us letters from all the places he was (California, Hawaii, Australia, Philippines and finally Japan) and called a few times but we haven’t heard from him since, and that was 13 or so years ago. (So now, here I am living in Japan, with my brother…and our sister might visit sometime this year).

When I arrived in Japan as a brand spankin’ new JET I went to the FIA to ask Benjamin and the very very helpful staff there for help in locating my dad. Two weeks later I had a copy of his koseki (family registry) which contained his address. A few months after I obtained this document, I sat down and wrote my dad a letter. I had been procrastinating to write it. Why would I procrastinate on one of the very reasons I came to Japan? Why would I wait to reconnect with my father? Well, I think out of fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, and so on (in the words of my students). I don’t know who the man who brought me onto this earth is…I don’t know what he does for a living…I don’t know what he likes to do…I don’t know anything. And I want to know, or do I really? I mean, I have lived 13 years without him, without the love and care that a father is supposed to provide. (The absent father is a common story these days, sad, but true.) My mother has provided all the love and support that my siblings and I needed and her side of the family has provided the same. So it’s not that I feel something has been missing…or that I regret anything. If my dad had stayed I would be a completely different person now. Maybe I am searching for closure, maybe I am searching for the father I never had, maybe I am searching for a connection that will be hard to well, reconnect. There are so many unknowns. Right now I am just going through the motions. Maybe when I will leave Japan I will be reconnected to my roots and feel united with my Japanese family. But more likely, I will leave Japan with more questions than when I came, whether or not my dad responds.

June 8, 2009
Update: Since I wrote this, Ms. Takashima at the FIA helped me find my grandmothers address. With Mami’s (Kurosaka) help, I wrote a letter, expecting no response. A week later, a letter came from my grandmother. Through the letter and my mom’s phone conversations with my grandmother we found out some updates: my grandfather passed away four years ago, our uncle is married and has two kids (3 and 8 years old) and they haven’t heard from my dad in years (exact number of yeras lost in translation). Since then, I have visited my grandmother in Shikoku 2 times and will go one more. She welcomed us (mom, sister, brother and I) with open arms. Still no word from my dad. I will write one more letter to him. But at least now, (some) questions are answered and I am fulfilled.