A loss and an inspiration

Most teachers I talk to wanted to be a teacher because they were inspired by one of their former teachers. This is the same with me. But what is also true is the reason that I didn't give up being a teacher is because of the inspiration, support and encouragement of a few professors at St. Olaf.

http://fusion.stolaf.edu/news/index.cfm?fuseaction=NewsDetails&id=4680

I just received the news yesterday that Professor Mark Schelske passed away. He was a huge part of why I continued in the education program. He was always very positive and encouraged me to not give up. He was my advisor and teacher. I had the wonderful opportunity to go with him and his wife Janis in January 2006 to study multicultural education in Hawaii (during a Minnesota winter). Also, I was one of the lucky ones who had Mark as their student teaching supervisor.

Many people were touched by him. He was such an inspirational person to so many people. He especially inspired teachers. And these teachers have inspired their students so there is no telling how far Mark's positive influence actually reaches. It hurts so bad, but I think the hurt is a good thing though...it shows how much he meant to us all. And through all the bad things that happen in this world, it shows that there are still good people. Mark is definitely in a better place. My prayers and sympathy go to his family and especially to his wife Janis.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/markschelske

In times like these, we may feel helpless. But I believe God is there.

There is something we can do though...

"Earlier this year, a fund was created to help Mark and Janis shoulder the load of uninsured expenses relating to Mark's illness. They have greatly appreciated the donations that have come in on their behalf. If you are interested in donating to the fund, you can do one of the following.

1) Write a check out to the "Mark Schelske Donation Account" and mail to:US Bank 301 West Burnsville Parkway Burnsville, MN 55337

2) Visit any US Bank in the United States to make a donation. Give the teller Mark Schelske's name and he/she can look up the donation account."

This morning one of my students told me "ねむそう" (nemusou) which means "you look tired". I got a good nights sleep but I just feel overwhelmed and shocked. Yesterday when I heard the news, I held my tears in. I am in a country where emotions aren't openly expressed and I didn't have anyone to share it with. Luckily my friend from Olaf and I were able to talk about it so I don't feel like I'm holding it in. And whether or not anyone reads this, it is an outlet for me. I told my friend I wished I could come to the memorial service and she said that Mark would have wanted me to stay in Japan. He was just one of those guys who lived life to the fullest.

Lately, one of my students has been teaching me these Japanese phrases, "忘れないよ”(wasurenaiyo) and "あいたかったよ” (aitakattayo). These loosely mean, "We'll never forget you" and "We'll miss you". Mark, you are an inspiration to us all. 忘れないよ、あいたかったよ

Sure Looks Good to Me

I've started to have my last lessons with some of my classes...only 2 weeks and 2 days of regular classes left! Then exams, then special classes. It's crazy, hard to believe it's almost over. But anyways, in some of the ni-nensei classes, I wanted to leave them with a message and my message was this Alicia Keys song. My message to them is to be positive, take risks and never give up. Every day counts. Live each day as if it were your last.

(Sorry for the strange formatting, can't seem to figure out how to make it look nice)

Life is cheap, bitter sweet, But it tastes good to me, Take my turn, crash and burn, That’s how it's supposed to be

So don't rain on my parade Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me

Time flies by, it leaves you behind Take it naturally, Heaven knows, oh there's so much more, More than what we see

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one dayI'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind I'm secure with getting by, Wanna see the light before I die , before I lie in an empty space. The darkness comes and I've been telling my soul, In me and myself we turn around, we're getting old

But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions, Of the bruises and the beauty of this moment that we're feeling, And I feel like I'm seeing the world inside of me, But I can tell you that I know
it's getting easier to breathe

There's a cold in the morning, an endless equation, Of who we’ve become it's a complex situation

So live love life, give love, Live love life, give love, Live love, life, give love‘cause who are we anyway?

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me, I'm tellin’ you, it sure looks good to me, Yeah, it sure looks good to me

Leavers Survey

The editors of our Fukui magazine asked the leavers these questions. Here are my responses.

2009 FJET CLASS OF 2009 LEAVERS SURVEY

Question 1:
What will you do next?go back to good ole' Minnesota, USA and work for AmeriCorps working with elementary students to help them read at grade level

Question 2:
What will you miss the most about Japan/Fukui
people: family, friends and students, scenery: mountains and the sea

Question 3
What WONT you miss about Japan/Fukui
random weird fish smells, lack of central heating, separating trash, homogeneity

Question 4
What was the most insane/crazy moment or event you experienced in Japan?probably the (penis) festival at Tagata Jinjia in Komaki. In what I have generally observed to be a pretty conservative country, this festival was out there!

Question 5
What's your own personal list of Japan's top 3 most beautiful/interesting/must see places?
Fushimi Inari Taisha (Kyoto) Top of Mount Fuji (at sunrise)
Himeji Castle (sakura season)

Question 6
Favorite Fukui Hang Outs?Natasha's apartment, Salva Donica coffee/cake shop (thanks for telling me about that place, Meena and Lauren), window shopping at various stores

Question 7
What was the most significant thing you learned about yourself?I am Japanese, but at the same time, I am not.

Question 8
Any parting words of wisdom?Get active! Take up a new hobby, be productive at school, start a new project, etc. Make your time here worthwhile and memorable.

An Update from a previous journal

I submitted this to our Fukui magazine.

January 9, 2009
I am always intrigued by the unique reasons we JET’s all come to Japan. I have heard many…from wanting a change to being intrigued by Japanese culture and language to well, you name it! For me, this trip was for selfish reasons, I must say. It was a personal journey that I have waited for years to fulfill. Since I was a child I always wanted to come to Japan and see how life was like, how the people are, how the language sounds…in other words, how my life would have been like. How my life would have been like if my parents had stayed together and stayed in Japan. See, my mom met my dad when she was a missionary in Kumamoto. Long story short they got married and decided to move to the US. Another long story short they got divorced and one day my dad mysteriously disappeared. He left his work, his life and his family with no word, no warning. He eventually sent us letters from all the places he was (California, Hawaii, Australia, Philippines and finally Japan) and called a few times but we haven’t heard from him since, and that was 13 or so years ago. (So now, here I am living in Japan, with my brother…and our sister might visit sometime this year).

When I arrived in Japan as a brand spankin’ new JET I went to the FIA to ask Benjamin and the very very helpful staff there for help in locating my dad. Two weeks later I had a copy of his koseki (family registry) which contained his address. A few months after I obtained this document, I sat down and wrote my dad a letter. I had been procrastinating to write it. Why would I procrastinate on one of the very reasons I came to Japan? Why would I wait to reconnect with my father? Well, I think out of fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, and so on (in the words of my students). I don’t know who the man who brought me onto this earth is…I don’t know what he does for a living…I don’t know what he likes to do…I don’t know anything. And I want to know, or do I really? I mean, I have lived 13 years without him, without the love and care that a father is supposed to provide. (The absent father is a common story these days, sad, but true.) My mother has provided all the love and support that my siblings and I needed and her side of the family has provided the same. So it’s not that I feel something has been missing…or that I regret anything. If my dad had stayed I would be a completely different person now. Maybe I am searching for closure, maybe I am searching for the father I never had, maybe I am searching for a connection that will be hard to well, reconnect. There are so many unknowns. Right now I am just going through the motions. Maybe when I will leave Japan I will be reconnected to my roots and feel united with my Japanese family. But more likely, I will leave Japan with more questions than when I came, whether or not my dad responds.

June 8, 2009
Update: Since I wrote this, Ms. Takashima at the FIA helped me find my grandmothers address. With Mami’s (Kurosaka) help, I wrote a letter, expecting no response. A week later, a letter came from my grandmother. Through the letter and my mom’s phone conversations with my grandmother we found out some updates: my grandfather passed away four years ago, our uncle is married and has two kids (3 and 8 years old) and they haven’t heard from my dad in years (exact number of yeras lost in translation). Since then, I have visited my grandmother in Shikoku 2 times and will go one more. She welcomed us (mom, sister, brother and I) with open arms. Still no word from my dad. I will write one more letter to him. But at least now, (some) questions are answered and I am fulfilled.

Erasing History

At school, they order the Daily Yomiuri for me to read (the English newspaper in Japan). I usually read articles that catch my interest and one today was "Japanese Soldiers shown in a new light". I remember learning about the brutal massacre, of Chinese civilians by Japanese soldiers, when I went to China on interim with St. Olaf. I was horrified by the atrocities of war and to what extent normal everyday people would go to when given a gun and an order.

The article says..."China remains irate that Japanese politicians have neither apologized for nor admitted the scope of the killings, while Japanese historians have erased the episode from their nation's textbooks."

Wow. Decades later Japan has not been able to apologize, let alone admit what happened, happened. Apologies never totally heal wounds, but at least they can be a start. And from the side of the oppressor it is a small step they can make for all the horrors they caused the people of Nanjing and all the after effects the victims have had to deal with. I remember watching a video on youtube about a Japanese soldier from Unit 731 who individually went to Nanjing to make his apology for all the horrible things he did (even if his country didn't back him up). It was very powerful.

And how amazing is it that certain people have enough power to erase history?! It blows my mind. Politicians have power but textbook writers might have more power over the long term. Education is so important, and in this case (whole sections of history being erased from textbooks), education is used as a weapon to guard against the truth.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-china-nanjing21-2009may21,0,6528458.story

"Real Life Isn't About What's Next"

"Real Life Isn't About What's Next"
One of my friends got me thinking. My friends tend to do that.

I was mentioning how crazy it is that we have been out of college for 2 years already. She said she spoke to some recent graduates and gave them some advice. She told them to get rid of their college mentality and that "real life isn't about what's next". That really spoke to me. Ever since grade school we have thought about what is next...what is after the test, after graduation. But now, we are in that time. Yes, it is good to look and plan ahead but what is the point if we are not living in the present moment? (my thoughts are going back to Buddhism class)

Yuki left last week. After taking him to the airport, I got back to my apartment (all alone) and it (the loneliness and exhaustion of traveling on the slow trains) hit me and I burst into tears. Tears of sadness cuz he's gone...but also tears of happiness for this incredible opportunity to get to know my brother again (after being away at Olaf/MN for 5 years).

mom and Maya

Mom and Maya's visit was amazing and kind of surreal. Now that they have been gone over a week, I have to ask myself if they were actually here.

The day after they arrived we went to meet with our grandmother. Suprinsingly, it was a very natural reunion. And it wasn't sad and emotional...but we were all happy that it finally happened after all these years (14?)!

The first night we stayed in Takamatsu and the next day we went to Ritsurin Park. It was cherry blossom season so we were very lucky to catch them in bloom (they only last about 10 days). That day we went to my grandmothers apartment in a small village in Shikoku. Over the time with her she took us to the sea and to Konpira san (shrine). The times I enjoyed most were just chilling at her house and meeting our cousins, aunt and re-meeting uncle. Our grandmother is very genki (energetic) and I was so greatful for this opportunity (thanks to God and thanks Mom for translating!)

Once we left Shikoku, my mom went to Kumamoto. Maya, Yuki and I went to Kyoto to tour around a bit (Maya became a maiko) and then Yuki went back to Fukui. Maya and I traveled on to visit IYA (International Youth Academy) friends in Toyohashi (Toledo's sister city - we went clam digging and later had a barbeque) and to Nagoya for a day trip (met up with May and a few more IYA friends). We all met back in Fukui for a few days and Maya and mom came to school, went to some of our activities and met some of our friends. My mom left for Tokyo on Thursday. Yuki, Maya and I left for Osaka on Friday and spent the day there and met up with mom later that night for okonomiyaki. Then, the next day they left
;-( .

So lately I have been feeling anxious about coming back to the States. I feel ready to go back but at the same time I want to enjoy my last three months here in Japan. There is still a lot to do/see but I have come to the realization that it won't all happen so in the meantime I will try to focus on spending time with friends and family before I go back home. Speaking of which, Yuki leaves in about three weeks ;-( so I am getting sad.