I am always intrigued by the unique reasons we JET’s all come to Japan. I have heard many…from wanting a change to being intrigued by Japanese culture and language to well, you name it! For me, this trip was for selfish reasons, I must say. It was a personal journey that I have waited for years to fulfill. Since I was a child I always wanted to come to Japan and see how life was like, how the people are, how the language sounds…in other words, how my life would have been like. How my life would have been like if my parents had stayed together and stayed in Japan, that is. See, my mom met my dad when she was a missionary in Kumamoto (Kyushu). Long story short they got married and decided to move to the US. Another long story short they got divorced and one day my dad mysteriously disappeared. He left his work, his life and his family with no word, no warning. He eventually sent us letters from all the places he was (California, Hawaii, Australia, Philippines and finally Japan) and called a few times but we haven’t heard from him since, and that was 13 or so years ago. So now, here I am living in Japan, with my brother…and our sister will be coming for the winter break.
When I arrived in Japan as a fresh faced JET I went to the FIA to ask Benjamin and the very very helpful staff there for help in locating my dad. Two weeks later I had a copy of his koseki (family registry) which contained his address. Last Friday, a few months after I obtained his address, I sat down and wrote my dad a letter. I had been procrastinating to write it. Why would I procrastinate on the very reason I came to Japan? Why would I wait to reconnect with my birth father? Well, I think out of fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, and so on (in the words of my students). I don’t know who the man who brought me onto this earth is…I don’t know what he does for a living…I don’t know what he likes to do…I don’t know anything. And I want to know, or do I really? I mean, I have lived 13 years without him, without the love and care that a father is supposed to provide. (The absent father is a common story these days, sad, but true.) My mother has provided all the love and support that my siblings and I needed and her side of the family has provided the same. So it’s not that I feel something has been missing…or that I regret anything. If my dad had stayed I would be a completely different person now. Maybe I am searching for closure, maybe I am searching for the father I never had, maybe I am searching for a connection that will be hard to well, reconnect. There are so many unknowns. Right now I am just going through the motions. Maybe when I will leave Japan I will be reconnected to my roots and feel united with my Japanese family. But more likely, I will leave Japan with more questions than when I came, whether or not my dad responds…so many unknowns.
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