Random Thoughts

Why have I gotten so lazy (since I was 10 years old) that I can't even pick up a pencil and write in a diary? Maybe for fear of my hand cramping up. Anyways, a blog is just as good for now. I keep forgetting to sign on here periodically to post about my life happenings. Whether any one reads them or not, it is a good way to reflect and keep track of my life.

Lots of thoughts go through my mind these days...about the upcoming wedding, education, friendships, consumerism, healthy living, etc. These random endless thoughts are inspired by my talks with the teacher who drives me to school every day, friends, fiance, free time, and family.


Wedding - Most people have just one...but we wanted to incorporate both Rachid's and my culture and religion so we'll have two - one in a mosque and one in a church. I really like to plan events and get people together so planning a wedding is in some ways fun. I do realize that I am an indecisive person so on the other hand, all of the decisions are a little stressful - something a friend calls "decision fatigue". I don't have wet feet or whatever the expression is because this transition feel good and natural. I know that Rachid and I work well together and have life goals that mesh and that we will support each other and build our family. I am getting excited, but do feel pressured from all the logistical aspects of marriage - like the paperwork and stuff. So I guess I have a love hate relationship with wedding planning.

Education - I am learning a lot about education and the district I work in from being "on the inside". There are a lot of great things happening like collaboration, differentiated instruction, one-on-one support but a lot of things that worry me about the politics of schools. I think kids are getting left behind in all the decisions that are made and then what is the point of schools? This is a good year to "figure out what I want to do in life". I realize I could never been a sub or classroom teacher. What makes me happy? Japanese club because teaching something meaningful like cross cultural exchange - what could be better? I also really enjoy working one-on-one with students. So hopefully I can find something that inspires me and not get down because of the politics in schools this year.


Friendships - Friendships grow and friendships change. I am greatful for the friendships I have. Some friends I thought would be there forever aren't, but I appreciate all the good times we had and all they taught me...and hope I helped them in some way. And some friends I didn't know before are people that I hope to maintain our friendship forever. They support me and I hope I do the same for them. I like a lot of overused sayings, especially this one paraphrased, "Friends - are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime." And I'm trying to be at peace and know that it is ok that friendships change and grow.

Consumerism - I joked the other day that I am boycotting Christmas. What that meant is I am broke from working in a stipend service position and I feel that I have everything that I need. I have enough stuff. Of course I want things. But I don't need them. I don't like clutter and adding more things will make our apartment that way. But one friend reminded me of the importance of gift giving and I do see the value in that. But on the other hand, I do get sick of the consumerism in this country, especially around holiday seasons. It was the same in Japan. So this year...I am not stressed about buying gifts. I will buy things if they remind me of people.

Healthy living - I really don't feel like I am in shape. In Japan, it was so easy to ride a bike everywhere and make exercise part of every day living. Here, in the Minnesota cold that is impossible...so I need to incorporate some kind of regular movement into my life. I feel kind of lethargic some days. An exhaustion sets after school. I think I have been eating pretty healthfully but realize that sometimes I eat too much so my goal is to eat until I'm still not full (with the exception of holidays, sorry). Healthy living is also taking time to take care of the world we live in. I try to do my small part, but know I could do more. Also, part of what I think healthy living is taking time to reflect...and I don't think I've been doing much of that...

INSPIRATION - This was a craft project at a recent girls night. I felt very inspired to take time to reflect and create.

The journey home

I went home this past weekend to Toledo, Ohio. My sister and I surprised my mom (and my brother went as well) to support her in her last weekend at her first call at Salem Lutheran Church in Toledo, Ohio. She has served there for almost 20 years. I felt so proud. She has accomplished so much there and went through so many struggles there but she always sticks to her message that God's love is for everyone.

I think that in part of her helping other people, she didn't help herself sometimes so I hope that her new call can be a fresh start. Now she and many others feel a mix of emotions...let's just say there was a lot of crying this weekend.

I brought this up in a previous blog post...but home is many places. Maybe that old saying is true..."home is where the heart is". Toledo feels like home. Many people were telling me they would miss me (even though I've been gone for 6 years). That church has raised us. The other saying, "It takes a village to raise to child." Salem Lutheran Church is our village.

http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090517/NEWS16/905170301/-1/RSS10

Japanese club

I'm excited. As part of my hours for the program I work for I am going to start a Japanese club at the school I'm working at. It will be an after school program...2 groups that will each meet twice a week for 45 minutes with about 15 students from grades 4-6. Another way that I can incorporate my Japan experience into my life here and make it not feel so much like a faraway dream.

I have a lot of ideas from learning basic language, to art (calligraphy, origami, etc.), food (yay for onigiri), dance, dress up in yukata, pen pal letters, read Sadako and the Thousand Paper cranes and make 1000 cranes and send them to Japan, study festivals, geography, history, etc. This club could really touch on a lot of content areas and I can keep up my studies too and continue to learn. I am by no means an expert on Japan but I hope the kids (and myself) learn a lot.

Let me know if you have any more ideas!

I'm going to try to start biking again next week after Ramadan is over. And I have called my grandmother numerous times but I think she may be at work when I call. Just following up on my list...

life after Japan

At the suggestion of two of my bestest friends (and blogging buddies), I will continue to reflect on my Japan experience and "life after Japan" through this blog. Since I was 10 years old (and besides required journals while studying abroad), I have gotten too lazy to actually write in a diary, so this is the next best thing.

Japan feels like a dream. The sounds, people, scenery, smells, etc. feel like a distant memory. I can't explain it. I have only been home over a month... (But that leads to the question of where is home? Is it Japan where I was born and lived for the past year? Minnesota where I lived for the first 5 years of my life and 5 years including college and my year of student teaching plus this upcoming year? Is it Toledo, Ohio where I grew up from 5-18 years old?) but I have settled right back in to life in the U.S. Maybe I expected a severe case of culture shock, as we were warned about by my program.

I don't want to forget Japan - all the people I met and things I learned. I want to incorporate that experience into my life. But easier said than done. I planned on riding a bike everywhere, like I did in Japan. But I have already gotten lazier with that. I planned on calling my grandmother once a month but that hasn't happened either. I think it's all a matter of incorporating those small things into my daily lifestyle and routine.

One of those blogging buddies I mentioned earlier recently made a list of goals that she wants to accomplish in life...that motivated me. (The thing I especially liked about her list is there was no pressure...it wasn't a frantic to-do list, it was a list that could evolve and change.) So here I will include a list of things I want to take from my year in Japan:

1) ride a bicycle often
2) call my grandmother once a month
3) always take off my shoes when entering my apartment
4) keep in touch with friends from or in Japan
5) take reusable bags to the grocery store
6) continue to study/review Japanese
7) cook Japanese food sometimes
8) stay active, but make time to relax too

I'll keep adding to this list...

ahh!

Time flies. Isn't that so true...

I have two weeks and one day left in my year in Japan. I can see the rest of my days here on one page in a calendar. Where has this year gone? It makes me think about what I've done while here and if I accomplished my goals. I think that I met my main goals of finding my father (even though I didn't find him, we reunited with his family) and learning about the Japanese education system (even though I don't agree with everything). I could have been a little more motivated to study Japanese. I've seen many beautiful things. I've met many amazing people. I could go into detail but I'll save it for when we talk.

Yesterday I spent the day by myself (aside from going to church) which was a great way to reflect about my time here. I went to the history museum (didn't understand anything but still glad I went) and garden that I have been meaning to go to since I got here. I think that many times we want to get out of where we are and see new/exciting things that we don't appreciate what is around us. So that is what I am trying to do...appreciate these last few moments I have left and enjoy every minute.

I am excited to get back home (although Japan is home now too - there are many places I could call home). It helps to know that I have many friends and family who understand this feeling of being a part of two or more different cultures. Some people feel torn with this but I am going to attempt to bring these thoughts and feelings and cultures together. Hopefully I can find a way to incorporate Japan into my "new" life.

A loss and an inspiration

Most teachers I talk to wanted to be a teacher because they were inspired by one of their former teachers. This is the same with me. But what is also true is the reason that I didn't give up being a teacher is because of the inspiration, support and encouragement of a few professors at St. Olaf.

http://fusion.stolaf.edu/news/index.cfm?fuseaction=NewsDetails&id=4680

I just received the news yesterday that Professor Mark Schelske passed away. He was a huge part of why I continued in the education program. He was always very positive and encouraged me to not give up. He was my advisor and teacher. I had the wonderful opportunity to go with him and his wife Janis in January 2006 to study multicultural education in Hawaii (during a Minnesota winter). Also, I was one of the lucky ones who had Mark as their student teaching supervisor.

Many people were touched by him. He was such an inspirational person to so many people. He especially inspired teachers. And these teachers have inspired their students so there is no telling how far Mark's positive influence actually reaches. It hurts so bad, but I think the hurt is a good thing though...it shows how much he meant to us all. And through all the bad things that happen in this world, it shows that there are still good people. Mark is definitely in a better place. My prayers and sympathy go to his family and especially to his wife Janis.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/markschelske

In times like these, we may feel helpless. But I believe God is there.

There is something we can do though...

"Earlier this year, a fund was created to help Mark and Janis shoulder the load of uninsured expenses relating to Mark's illness. They have greatly appreciated the donations that have come in on their behalf. If you are interested in donating to the fund, you can do one of the following.

1) Write a check out to the "Mark Schelske Donation Account" and mail to:US Bank 301 West Burnsville Parkway Burnsville, MN 55337

2) Visit any US Bank in the United States to make a donation. Give the teller Mark Schelske's name and he/she can look up the donation account."

This morning one of my students told me "ねむそう" (nemusou) which means "you look tired". I got a good nights sleep but I just feel overwhelmed and shocked. Yesterday when I heard the news, I held my tears in. I am in a country where emotions aren't openly expressed and I didn't have anyone to share it with. Luckily my friend from Olaf and I were able to talk about it so I don't feel like I'm holding it in. And whether or not anyone reads this, it is an outlet for me. I told my friend I wished I could come to the memorial service and she said that Mark would have wanted me to stay in Japan. He was just one of those guys who lived life to the fullest.

Lately, one of my students has been teaching me these Japanese phrases, "忘れないよ”(wasurenaiyo) and "あいたかったよ” (aitakattayo). These loosely mean, "We'll never forget you" and "We'll miss you". Mark, you are an inspiration to us all. 忘れないよ、あいたかったよ

Sure Looks Good to Me

I've started to have my last lessons with some of my classes...only 2 weeks and 2 days of regular classes left! Then exams, then special classes. It's crazy, hard to believe it's almost over. But anyways, in some of the ni-nensei classes, I wanted to leave them with a message and my message was this Alicia Keys song. My message to them is to be positive, take risks and never give up. Every day counts. Live each day as if it were your last.

(Sorry for the strange formatting, can't seem to figure out how to make it look nice)

Life is cheap, bitter sweet, But it tastes good to me, Take my turn, crash and burn, That’s how it's supposed to be

So don't rain on my parade Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me

Time flies by, it leaves you behind Take it naturally, Heaven knows, oh there's so much more, More than what we see

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one dayI'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind I'm secure with getting by, Wanna see the light before I die , before I lie in an empty space. The darkness comes and I've been telling my soul, In me and myself we turn around, we're getting old

But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions, Of the bruises and the beauty of this moment that we're feeling, And I feel like I'm seeing the world inside of me, But I can tell you that I know
it's getting easier to breathe

There's a cold in the morning, an endless equation, Of who we’ve become it's a complex situation

So live love life, give love, Live love life, give love, Live love, life, give love‘cause who are we anyway?

So don't rain on my parade, Life's too short to waste one day, I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall, Yes, it sure looks good to me, Hey, it sure looks good to me, I'm tellin’ you, it sure looks good to me, Yeah, it sure looks good to me